I will NOT be silenced… Hear me ROAR

Don’t you think it’s funny how the people who know nothing about you always have the most to say? How they feel it’s their right to tell you what to do or not do?

I don’t think it’s funny. In fact there are a whole lot of uncultured words I can use for it. But I won’t. At least not yet. What I will say for now is that when we ASSUME, it’s nothing other than making an ASS of U and ME.

I don’t know what it is about me, but the cover of the book is  the total opposite of what’s in my heart and mind. It never gets old how people tell me “You’re nothing like I thought you’d be like.” Yeah… I get that a lot.

Since 2016 started I have been insulted, patronized, offended, lied to, confronted over B.S., things have been spoken (purposefully and out of sheer ignorance) over my kids lives, my marriage has been under strain because of interference and I’ve been properly dismissed by people who know Jack diddly squat about me or my life. For a while there, I almost lost it. The black dog came for a brief visit before I shot it down again.

Just when I let my guard down and think I can have a normal mundane existence, someone comes and disturbs my peace. With the result that I have been breaking ties and making enemies with people. You see, there comes a time when you open your mouth and the monster inside rears it’s ugly head. Everyone feels they are right and apologies are not required. But what if I also feel that what I do and say is right?

Why should I respect someone who has no respect for me? Why should I watch what I say when I’m not extended the same courtesy? Why should I allow someone to make me feel like I’m an outsider? Why should I accept, that after the damage has been done, someone didn’t mean what they said? But why did they say it in the first place? Why should I not react when someone tries to tell me where to get off? Why should I have to explain myself to people who have obviously made up their minds about me or a situation? Why should I believe that someone is doing or saying things because care, or better yet (and also my personal favourite), that God sent them? Why should I allow someone to tap my hands with the Bible? And why should I have to apologize or feel guilty for fighting back?

I’ll tell you why I don’t have to ‘anything’ right now:

I am not arrogant enough to think that I don’t need people or their help. We all need people in life. It is however my prerogative to seek help when I need it! And from whom I choose. Trust is a big thing to me.

When someone messes with me I can handle it but when they mess with my person, they mess with me. Nobody put’s Keith in the corner. The B.S. imposed on him affects me too. It has effects on my marriage and whether my relation to someone is by blood or by the law, I expect people to respect it. You don’t have to like it or accept it but respect it. It’s been proven that even though blood is thicker than water, relatives cause you more hurt than your friends or even strangers. Is it any wonder why I don’t place that much value on some familial relations?

When you say things like “What you’re doing right now will come down on your kids” what the … (insert word of choice) do you mean? And while you’re at it please also explain what the … (again, insert word of choice) it is that I’m doing. You know what? Don’t even try to answer it. Nothing you say will excuse that. No freaking thing. You don’t get to get away with it. Period. That is a pretty screwed up thing to do.

I’ve been hearing the damn R word tossed carelessly quite a bit lately. What rumours are everyone talking about? I haven’t done anything to be chastised over. Well, except for being verbal and keeping a loaded gun to gun down dragons. It’s called self defense. People really shouldn’t be surprised over retaliation. There’s only so much anyone can take.

Have those dragons considered how they would feel if their lives have been disrupted and any old fool and their brother attacks them? Have they considered how they would feel if I come round and stick my nose in their personal affairs? Do unto me what you’d like me to do to you because what you see me doing is a reflection of yourself. So who is the shitty person really? Guess no one has thought about that. 

Respect is earned. Don’t expect it when you’re not willing to give it in return. Respect is also not over using the “Because we care” card. Neither is it the “We are the adults or the godly bunch” card. Telling me that you respect me but you can’t back it up with your actions is just lame on so many levels.

People’s misconstrued notion of support does not impress me. Support is when you show someone you care. It is not an impromptu meeting here and there and wanting to force them to see things your way. Getting all up in their business and being a bit cunning about it too. Yeah, I picked up on that. Going behind someone’s back and being surprised to find all present. Support is also not trying to turn siblings against each other. Oh? That wasn’t the intention? Could have fooled me.

Waiting for us to fail is setting us up for disaster. We stand no chance thanks to the nay sayers and do wellers. We’ve already lost thanks to you.

My boxing gloves have been stashed and instead I’m a ticking time bomb right now. So… Any other questions or attacks you have up your sleeves?

I’m adult enough to the same people who remind me that I’m still a child while their argue with me like their equals. Seriously what’s up with that? Am I your child or an adult you want to tell off? In case anyone has to wonder, maturity is not measured in years. You may have your age but do you know what I have? I’ll just leave that one hanging. But do think about it sometime, won’t you.

I will NOT be silenced. If you knew me you’d know that I don’t back down either. You’d know that I don’t find your concerns silly. They are genuine. You’d also know that I am pretty reasonable in general. There is nothing general about my “new” normal and it pisses me off. You’d know that when you make your intentions clear and don’t come in any sort of guise, I will listen. I’ll even answer questions should you have any. Bearing in mind that I will refuse to comment on things you don’t need to know. My business is mine and yours is yours. You’ll also know that I can see straight through alterior motives. I don’t have to know exactly what it is, but if it walks like a duck… I’m intuitive like that.

I will NOT accept the fact that you think I’m inconsequential. I know who I am and if I don’t matter to someone, that’s ok. I’m a grown woman who knows that not everyone in life will like me. It is what it is. I may not matter to you but I mean a lot to those who matter to you. Ever think of the power that may yield? Don’t bother thinking about it too much, just know that if I wanted to be the wicked witch of the west, I could be.

If you knew me, you’d know that I don’t aspire to be a First Class … (insert word of choice). Life is short and I know as well as the next person that being a complete SOB gets no one anywhere. I’m a lover not a fighter. That said, I want you to know that right now I am roaring and it will take time to get over this. I’m even adult enough to know that I shouldn’t expect any apologies. Not everyone is wired that way.

I will NOT be placed on a leash either. So don’t try using Keith as a go between. Our beef is ours. Own up to it and we’ll talk about it. Maybe then, some respect can be salvaged. Be prepared when you do come and choose your words wisely. For now though, I’ll say you win. You are right. Whatever you are right about. I don’t want to be right or win if it means losing myself and my principles.

This is me. No nutshell because I’m way more complexed than that. Let’s call it a part of me that needs to be seen right now.

You’re welcome.