For the past few weeks I’ve been having some serious commitment issues with sleep. As if sleeping in itself isn’t enough of a commitment issue where death is concerned. Anyway… The moment I get into bed all kinds of ideas pops into my mind. My Declaration Of Independence has been the reason for my sleep deprivation. Or at least that’s what I thought. As much as I try to switch off the more insistent those thoughts and ideas become.
This prompts me to get up, make notes and worse still start the planning. I bubble with excitement at times (most of the time) and other times it’s a matter of making the note before the idea escapes me, never to be thought of again. By the end of the week when most 9-5’ers get ready for the weekend, it’s business as usual for me. Work, work, work. Ta-da-da-da-da, I’m loving it!
The problem with little sleep and staying up all day after rising at 5am only to toss and turn again during the night is that I’m now like a walking pharmacy and popping pills like it’s going out of fashion. My head aches. All. The. Time. Also, too little sleep makes me cranky. Ok maybe not cranky. Miserable is more accurate.
A GP visit later, and not my usual GP but one of his locums (who happens to be an expert in occupational health), and a whole lot of questions (way more than the usual 20 questions type) I’m told that I have a mild case of OCD. OCD!!!
Here I’m thinking that it’s all the excitement of my new ventures and my busy lifestyle, but having researched OCD and looking at the Symptoms I’m seriously wondering if I’m really that obsessive. A control freak yes but obsessive? Sadly I can identify with most of the symptoms and while I’m in denial about it I’ve have decided to budge where the prescribed meds are concerned because I need sleep. Uninterrupted sleep and be my normal self.
Having had a few decent nights sleep I feel refreshed. I have however been researching OCD a lot and find myself reading article upon article and have gone for a second opinion as well. Same diagnosis.
So there you have it people. ‘Denial Jonkers’ is who I am right now and have become OC about OCD. If that’s even possible. Is it even a thing? Emptying my inbox at 2am because there’ll be new mails in the morning doesn’t count either right?
Celeste, it is all part of you and makes you who you are. I once worked with the colleague who had OCD, whenever she locked up the offices, she would check each door handle countless times, lock up, unlock, go back in just in case she forgot to close a window or something, and this was always done in a rush, as if a bit panicky. She was hell of a funny, and these little quirks just made a all the more special and unique. Don’t over think your diagnoses 🙂
I like that you call it quirks. I’ll stick to calling it that too from now. Overthinking is kinda my thing but I hear you hey, I need to cut myself some slack.
I can relate
Terrible ain’t it…
Oh I absolutely know how you feel. As soon as my head hits the pillow, the my brain decides that it has not worked hard enough during the day and it will start thinking about Everything. I find it so hard to switch off. I cannot take sleeping tablets because I am OCD about not hearing the alarm clock, or “what if something happens and someone tries to call me” and “I don’t answer or what if someone tries to break in and I don’t hear them or don’t wake up” – I am also a light sleeper who wakes up for every sound. I am glad that you have had a few decent nights sleep.
Oh my gosh all the “what if’s” kills me sometimes that why taking the meds was one of my biggest obstacles and it took me a while before I submitted. Insomnia is not my friend. But now I finally have my love of doing washing and other stuff explained. It’s not love after all. Literally *laughing* at my ‘quirks’ now.
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