The past weekend the hubster and I had some alone time, while K3 were hundreds of miles away. This was one of those rare opportunities for us as a couple to just be a couple. Two days filled with promise.
Strangely enough, we didn’t make use of the time and set about doing what we normally do. Or at least most of the time. I caught up on some sleep, reading and writing while the hubster watched some sports. We were so engrossed with our own agendas that the other may not have been around at all. Time fled by and before we knew it, it was Sunday evening and we were eagerly awaiting the kids safe return. Truth be told, we have forgotten what it’s like to not have K3 around. For all their moaning and groaning there are also their clever quips and plenty of laughter. The littlest K is the funniest of them all. The first K is going through a sarcastic phase and often has me rolling my eyes. The middle K, well, like I always tell people, she’s a child that needs to be experienced. Cheeky, funny and all out dilly just like her mom. Except for the funny bit. I try, while she just gets it right. We missed them like crazy and without their antics we were somehow lost.
The idea of not hearing ‘Mommy’ was so much better than the reality. Make no mistake, I can live without them around every once in a while but I realised that my marriage has become kid centered. Our lives are so wrapped up with their activities that we have forgotten to nurture our marriage. Have we done anything majorly wrong? Nope. We just lost a little focus. Don’t get me wrong, we’re not in a bad state. We’re just… I don’t know… I suppose complacent is the most appropriate word.
This had me thinking all weekend. When the kids are all grown and they leave the nest, where does that leave us if we continue this way? Will we then live past each other and only see glimpses of the other every so often? The hubster is quiet by nature and I do most of the talking for the both of us, but what if I run out of things to say one day? Are we experiencing a drought in our marriage or was this a good wake up call?
With me being home these past few months, I don’t feel that I’ve lost myself at all. In fact I’ve been concentrating so hard on not being ‘just another’ Stay-At-Home-Mom. I’m still the outgoing person I’ve always been and get all dressed up even if it’s just to drop the kids off at school. I wear make up for the heck of it and I haven’t lost touch with reality. The only difference is that I don’t leave home for twelve hours on a daily basis.
Somehow it’s become clear the family’s perspective of me has changed. In a matter of months they’ve started taking me for granted and automatically expect me to be at their beck and call. When I’m not needed, I seem to be of no interest to any of them. I’m a mommy so I’m supposed to put my big girl panties on and deal with it right? Part of me says yes but the other part says NO way. I’ve decided to take my stand and stick with it.
I don’t want a comfortable marriage. I want the spontaneity we once had. The talks during the wee hours of the morning about nonsense. I want my family to be on the page we were last year where everyone pitched in and helped make this household run smoothly. I don’t expect my kids to do chores because I’m lazy. I expect them to do it so they may learn responsibility. I want my husband to start acting like we’re a team once more by doing his bit too. Just yesterday I had to remind him that I do actually still contribute to the finances in this household but it’s not in an employee capacity. Just because I work in the comfort of our home mostly does not negate the fact that I do work.
It cost some real alone time for me to figure out that my life is not where I want it to be. My marriage is not where I thought it would be. I find that in my quest to do good at this SAHM thing, I’m to blame for this messy state I find myself in. I gave up so much of myself that I didn’t realise it until it was almost too late. Contrary to what I believe, I have indeed lost myself and am not the person I was a year ago. I’ve become a slave for my family in the name of love, whilst juggling being an entrepreneur and doing ok at it. I have created the great expectations they have.
Today I realise that in order for the family to respect me, I will have to respect me (something I thought I had well covered) and that can only be done once I put my foot down and stop allowing them to “get away with murder”. Starting now, it’s time to take back ME and conquer the world (or Jonkersville at the very least). I doubt the fam will like what I have in store for them but that’s just tough. This momma ain’t going to be cleaning up after anyone for a long, long time. Except for doing washing. I love doing washing.
The one positive about alone time was that the hubster and I enjoyed long romantic walks this weekend… Long romantic walks to the fridge. No kids equals no cooking, so we grabbed whatever was in the fridge.