ME: Unplugged (in bite size chunks)

There is nothing more frustrating than having a conversation with someone in ‘real life’ and their response to whatever you’re trying to tell them is “Oh I saw on Facebook…” Or “I know your whole life story/ all about what’s going on in your house.” My Facebook account contains more book than face and it is for this reason I find that people think they know more about me than what meets the eye.

It is exactly at those moments my mind does an involuntary double take. While they’re busy telling me about my daughter’s latests quips or my quirks I do a mental check on my status updates. Well it is no secret that I dote on my four kids (K3 and the hubster). Two of the kids born of this body are as quirky as I am. I’m an open book and don’t get embarrassed easily. It is for that reason that I’m not gossip worthy either.

Then I wonder if I had indeed posted that I lost my tampon (not proud but it has happened), my bra cup has increased, my apology for being late at some function had nothing to do with tardiness but everything to do with the fact that I didn’t want to go, how I hate being married (on occasion), that I don’t allow the better half anywhere near me on my birthday, what colour my walls are painted, I have a purple cupboard in my kitchen or my relationship with my inlaws. During my mental assessment of what I actually share assures me that my Facebook account is indeed not my autobiography and I still have some air of mystery.

Ok I’ve just shared a few random things with you but without further ado, here is the actual list of facts about me that no amount of Facebook status updates will ever give anyone:

1) I hate being married between December and early March. Body heat is a killer.

2) What I actually mean when I say ‘we’ is ‘not me’

3) I know the meaning of the word *arcane but hardly use it because it’s arcane.

4) I don’t necessarily consider talking about the news and current affairs as intellectual.

5) My singing range is alto.

6) I don’t sing in the shower but do have imaginary arguments (that I obviously win) while I’m there.

7) Although I’m physically present, my mind is almost always miles away. I’m a writer. We tend to zone when inspiration strikes.

8) I don’t do fake but I’d like to think I’m mature enough to tolerate some people.

9) I hate the hubster’s second name because it’s also the name of a teen crush. I won’t be including it on his headstone one day.

10) The one person who really gets me is my eldest sister. We communicate without using full sentences and our incessant giggles makes our mom want to give us a backhand every so often.

11) I like to defy the norm so I’m an oddball by choice. It’s also the reason for making a 13 point list instead of the normal 10.

12) My son’s second name is supposedly a combination of the hubster and his sister’s names. I hate that I allowed my mother inlaw to talk me into that one. That’s what happens when you’re young and starry eyed.

13) The fear of losing my husband or kids to death often makes me regret getting married and having children. Luckily I don’t ponder on that too often.

Oh and before you go getting any ideas… My lost tampon was actually found under my bed. You’ll be amazed to know what I find under my bed at times. As for my birthday… Well my birthday is in October and two of my kids are born in July. You do the math on that one.

Like I always say (in my head) when people’s favourite topic revolves around themselves: “ME, ME, ME… Oh enough about yourself!” That’s it from me for today.

*Arcane definition: Known or understood by few, mysterious, secret


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